And the earth was created and the Lord God was hovering around the depths of one tectonic plate and it was dead and boring. The Lord God said, “Let us separate the plate from the other plate and let the South-West of the plate be split from the oceans and let us call the ocean “Atlantic”. Let the foreign people be inspired by the waters and let them call this place “Lagos” and let everyone else do what they wish with this name. And everyone else called it ‘Eko” and ”Gidi” and “Lag”. And it was so. And there was Kuramo and Bar and Elegushi and others with “private beach” at the end of their name. And it was good.
And the Lord God looked up at the firmaments and it was glorious and colourful and the Lord God said, “Let there be the Lagos Sky and let it be uninstagrammable most of the time” for not everything must be shared. And the Lagos sky became uninstagrammable and it was good. And there was morning and evening of another day.
The Lord God looked again at this sky and said, “let us pity these people and give them something to Instagram.” And the Lord God created Marina and said let them say “This is not a skyline”. And the people said, “This is not a skyline” but Instagrammed it anyway. And the Instagram pictures were good. And there was morning and evening of another day.
But Lagos was boring and the people had nothing to do. And the Lord God said, “Let there be entertainment!”. And there were comedians and actors and singers and plays and concerts and random reasons just to get out of your house. And there was Quilox and Likwid and Sip and Likwid became Vapours because that is what Likwids do. And Lagos became an entertainment capital. And there was morning and evening of another day.
The people cried unto the Lord, “We want to hustle and bustle. This merry merry and faaji isn’t good”. And the Lord God replied, “Okay”. And the Lord God created Danfos and Molues and Okadas and Kekes and the Lord God stated there must be a new mode of transport every 10 years and there was BRT. And there was morning and evening of another day.
The people were quiet again. They did not speak to their Lord for a while because they hustled and bustled and they made merry. Then The Lord God declared, “Let there be places of worship everywhere! and Let them worship my son Omo Wobe Jesus”. And RCCG built a church within any five minute drive and mosques where everywhere too. And there was morning and evening of another day.
The danfos and molues and okadas and kekes were driving like crazy people because the road was free. The Lord God thought to himself, “This is Madness and not Sparta, there must be something to rule them all.” And the Lord God created Lagos Traffic and the traffic started early in the morning and stopped late at night. And the Lord God realised that traffic was a better signal for the start and end of day and he declared once again “Let the movement from Mainland to Island be morning and let the movement from Island to Mainland be evening. And let there be no traffic on Sunday so they can worship me”. And there was movement from Mainland to Island and Island to Mainland and it was good.
The people were in traffic and the people were hungry and thirsty and they cried out, “Lord we want food but we don’t want manna. Remember we like to hustle”. And the Lord created Super Yogo and Boli and Gala and Red Oaks plantain chips and Pure water and many fizzy drinks to keep them excited. And the government tried to ban street trading and the Lord God said “LOL WYD? Let my people eat”. And the people ate and it was good. And there was Mainland to Island movement and Island to Mainland movement of another day.
And the people from the other unhovered parts looked at Lagos and all its opportunity and potential and they asked the Lord to come. And the Lord declared, “Let there be Igbos to bring things via container and Hausas to bring food and let all the other people from around the world bring their expertise.” The Igbos brought things via container and Hausas brought food and all the minorities, IJGBs and Woke Lagos Hipsters came as well. And the Lord God let them pretend they did not like each other once in a while but they did not fight. And everyone lived together in Lagos and it was good. And there was Mainland to Island movement and Island to Mainland movement of another day.
Everyone in Lagos then decided they would have to return to the village once in a while and they would have to show proof of their hustle and they said, “Lord give us a sign”. And the he Lord God said, “Let there be money” and banks opened up on every street and there was money on the street of Lagos. The people began to return to the village at the end of the year and the Lord God suspended traffic during that time because of Family. And there was Mainland to Island movement and Island to Mainland movement of another day.
And The Lord God looked at Lagos and saw that everything he created was in a perfect mix and it humoured him. It humoured the people too. And there was Mainland to Island Movement and Island to Mainland movement of another day.
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